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Part 1: "Aggressive" women

Alright, alright, alright.

Lately in my life, one thing has been coming up again and again. "Aggressive" women.

I will explain but also know that led me to think about nice "guys."

Before I get into it, you should know that by "guys" I mean anyone female attracted; when I say women, I mean self-identified women.

Multiple times in the last week I have heard a woman refer to herself as "aggressive," so this led me to a few conversations. First, I wanted to understand why someone would refer to themselves that way.

Second, I wanted to explore how male and female ideas or descriptions/definitions of aggressive are different in terms of how we judge.

Third, I wanted to discuss alternatives.

I wanted to discuss alternative because, to me and it seems most people, the word aggressive has a negative connotations. Like, when you say aggressive, I think that you are constantly trying to fight someone. I think of "little man syndrome" and get immediately annoyed. Fun fact though, the women claiming to be aggressive are the opposite of little man syndrome and do not at all annoy me.

First things first:

The definition of aggressive:

Now then, hostile - antagonistic - aggression which stems from anger.

The people I am talking about, in the times referenced - no anger; no attack.

What happened was, a woman stood up for herself, made herself clear, stated her truth without apology.

Is that aggressive? If she were a man would we not use words like brave, noble, assertive, honest, focused, and so on?

I think we would. Said women were not being attacking or trying to fight anyone. In fact, they are playful, welcoming even with their "aggression." Also, I think we associate aggression to being "masculine," and these women are not that. So, why do they refer to themselves that way?

Improper Programming.

I brought up the argument that assertive and aggressive are two different things, with which I was agreed.

Let's break this down:


  • stating intention & boundaries

  • being straight-forward

  • pursuing own wants/needs

  • being clear, honest, and up front

I am starting to think that this is really just the "no bullshit" approach to life and damn it, I'm a fan!

So why then, "aggressive"? I still don't know.

Those behaviors on their own are respectable, inspiring, rare, and to be honest - kick ass. They make life so much easier, not harder like aggression might.

Never did I feel like I was going to be accosted or attacked during any exchanges with these quote/unquote "aggressive" or "volatile" women. One suggested the word abrasive instead, but I maintain my argument.

If these behaviors came from a dude we might say, "oh, he is a nature born leader," "he is just so independent, he knows what he wants," "he is so honest - it;s refreshing," etc... etc....

But when a woman does the same damn thing(s)....she's "aggressive", she mad, she's "too much."

I call bullshit.

That's all.

I am making a push to stop using aggressive in this context. Instead, assertive, independent, self-assured.

Where as many may be threatened by this, turned off, etc... I am in awe and I am surely taking notes! Being a self-proclaimed push over all my life...I need me some "aggressive" women in my life to show me the way.

SO! You do you, Boo! And if anyone doesn't like it, (as I am sure you've said many times in your life because you don't take no shit)...they can fuck off.

Oh and also...I guess technically you were kind of right and I can see it...but I maintain my position and that there are plenty of positively correlated synonyms we could use!! I like dynamic a lot and energetic!

How about:









shall I go on???

*mic drop*

Love, Ami

P.S. Catch up with me in my next blog (November 4) to read about my thoughts on "nice guys" and finishing (HAHAHA)...get your mind out of the gutter! GEEZ. See you there.