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Part 2: Nice "guys" - Do they really finish last?


True or not true?

Wait, wait, wait. Let's just back up a minute.

First, define "guy": any person

Next, define "nice": kind, empathetic, "soft," puts other people first

-Great, thanks.

Now, to determine if nice guys really do finish last, I think we need to break this down in to scenarios.

1) Business

2) Love

3) Overall

*Important note that I am talking about any person, not a male person and I am talking about all types of relationships and business - generally.

Let's envision our nice "guy," think about the nicest, sincerest, most giving person you know. They are always polite and respectful; do not like confrontation; they are the person that always goes last, picks up the tab, and always tries to "bring the positive" to your group/job/etc...

In business: this person helps others, everyone really likes them. Is this person the CEO?...probably not. Here's why:

to be successful, you have to have some sense that your wants, needs, desires are important and sometimes you have to be willing to go against other people to make those dreams a reality. Sometimes to create a successful business, you have to tell people their ideas suck (in a professional way) and admit when your ideas suck. Mr. Nice Guy would never dream of hurting someone's feelings in this way and thus, no CEO. Being liked by your colleagues never got anyone to the top. Being respected does and let's be honest - we have less respect for people that we don;t think have the "huevos" to stand up for themselves, the company, you as a staff, and so on. We have less respect for someone who we perceive as a "push over." You may say, "yeah, yeah I really like that person," then be asked, "would you trust your financial future to them and the answer is "on no."

In love: Kind of along the same lines as above but in the context of - most people don't operate in the world like, "oh, I can't wait to meet someone so docile that they will not stand up for me if someone disrespects me in public." Or, "Oh, I really love so and so, they avoid confrontation at all costs --- it's really very sweet."

Look. I am a nice fucking guy, okay. I am not knocking. I am this and I am just imagining my partners in the past LOL Especially because I date women, very "feminine" women, right?

Like...did you all go take a self-defense class when you started dating me, because sure as hell someone needed to keep us safe and you knew that wasn't going to be my bitch ass - attractive, riiiight? No. It is absolutely not. No one likes or strives to be or be with a push-over. You don't have to be aggressive or have "little man syndrome" either...put your lifted truck away, Bro (no shade, I love your truck and I am just jealous). But still, there is a line and "nice guys" like me, need to know when to cross it. You know what I mean!

Now listen, there is a line between a-hole and assertive. I am actively working on that last part. No one should be run all over, no one should be silenced or feel like they can't stand up for themselves and the people they care about; their beliefs, so on BUT the issue is not with people silencing us or making us feel that way. It is internal. Somewhere inside of every "nice guy" is probably a child that had their voice taken or was taught that they matter less; that other people are more important.

Now, I believe that you can be polite, respectful, have great manners --- and have a backbone. In fact, I hope for it for all of us. In order for that to happen though, we have to let go of whatever bullshit story our childhood or raising told us, that we are less than. Or in my case, that I need to take care of everyone, keep the peace always. There was enough aggression in my house growing up, someone had to be calm and kind right? Right. But I am not a child anymore nor in that house, so I need to let that go. What's your story? You have to release it, too. This is not easy.

So, overall: I can tell you what, people may "like" you less but they damn sure will trust you more and respect you more when you stand up for what you believe in. They may disagree but they will respect you and that can move mountains. That, trust and respect, gets you to the top - to CEO - and...it absolutely will help to get and keep the girl (or guy or person who identifies however).

.....I think.

.....I'm just starting this soooo

.....I'll let you know how it works out.

I'm confident in it.

Love you, all! (But not more than I love myself),

-Ami

 

The Acadami

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