So, I was talking to someone recently - as I do - and they said something I have said so many times and I LOL'd.
The overall idea is that, well, okay wait - first: anything that I say here is probably going to sound conceited or self-absorbed, boastful, or even narcissistic. It's not that. It's an honest talk about natural things in the world and this happens to have used to have been in my life; currently in said person's life as well, so...just deal.
To protect the identity of the innocent, I will call this friend "Sally." If that offends any actual Sally(s) in the world, my apologies in advance, it's a beautiful name is all :) thanks for letting me borrow it!
SO! Sally mentioned that it is frustrating sometimes trying to make friends or even just be friendly or be themselves around people, because many may get the wrong idea. The sense I got was 'I can't be myself, because myself makes people want to be with me or makes them think that I am hitting on them, so on. And then it's weird because I have to let them down and DAMN it, why can't I just have friends?'
Now, if you have been my friend a while - HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID THIS?!?
And, yes, every single time I get in response: "oh, poor you" blah blah lol "what a terrible life you have that people are interested in you that way...." yeah, yeah. I get it.
But this is EXACTLY what I said to Sally with a giggle.
But really I was laughing because I actually completely understand.
And what a wonderful problem to have! I, for one, have the BEST problems in my life and I am fully aware of that.
It is though. I've had this talk with friends and if I were not friends with people that a) I've slept with, b) want to or have ever wanted to sleep with me or vise-versa, or c) in some way were attracted to me or vise-versa - I would have many less friends. That is my truth and obviously I am not alone in that - at the very least Sally is with me. And how fun?!? What better way to know that I/we are surrounding ourselves with kind, smart, wonderful people? Attraction is relative folks and we should not be afraid of it!
Albeit, I do believe that we often misinterpret our own attraction and its intention BUT, cool!
In retrospect, I am wondering if this is unique to lesbian or LGBTQ communities or if it happens everywhere....help? What do you all think?
The thing is, and what I wanted to analyze here is...the fact that this doesn't come from ego at all even though it is often perceived that way.
In fact, I think it comes from a super genuine and humble place. I think where it comes from is an openness that attracts people and many of us either misinterpret that energy. Shit, I can't (actually I can) tell you how many times I've misinterpreted my own energy!...On top of someone else's.
SO how do we solve this whole thing? We talk. We talk to one another. We share with one another. We become honest and open with one another, even when that is difficult to do and/or hear.
The fun part, to me, is just that though. If we could all read energies so well, we wouldn't need to communicate with one another; we wouldn't experience the terrifying excitement of asking someone how they feel about us; we wouldn't get to learn how to be kind when re-framing our intentions with people. We wouldn't get to dance this dance, "good" or "bad." We wouldn't be forced into awkward and wonderful conversations, trying to learn by doing while talking about our feelings.
As technology moves forward more and more and inter human communication shifts so rapidly, I love that we still GET to have these super awkward, sometimes stressful interactions with one another.
AND! my real question, I guess is, why can't we love each other without being or becoming physically intimate with one another? I have friends that I think are FRIGGIN gorgeous; brilliant; absolutely amazing human beings and I want them in my life, no doubt! I value them on such high levels....but also, I don't want to date/sleep with them. I believe this to be okay and wonderful....right? Isn't this friendship? Why do we often feel pressure or pressure/push each other, so that feels 'not okay?' I hug my friends, I cuddle with them, I hold them and they hold me. I am affectionate with people (which, if you've known me a long time you would say is INSANE coming from the 'once upon a time, Ami: "Don't touch me. I don't like hugs.") Most of all, I tell my friends, I tell human beings that I value that I love them, that I appreciate them because you know what?! I DO! Again, this does not mean that I want to date/sleep with them. And I think we need more of this in the world.
I've brought this up before, but why is it so socially acceptable to call someone a bad name or insult them or tell them to F off....but someone platonically says, "I love you," and everyone freaks out ?!? I don't get this. I don't like it and I will not live it.
I am going to go back on the Bambi side of things here. If I can't say something nice, I will say nothing at all. I will share my appreciation for people and that's how I will live my life because it's mine to live. I will say hello and how are you and give hugs to anyone I want who will receive it.
I spent far too many years staying away from people, being guarded, ensuring my own loneliness and restricting my own love and care for others. I refuse to do that any longer.
At the same time: if this makes you uncomfortable, please let me know and I will not behave this way toward you.
What are your thoughts?
Are you stoked that we can now just text and what not or do you prefer to speak to people about things like this no matter how stressful or awkward?!?
Do we restrict positive/loving interactions too much?
Are there people in your life that you really love/appreciate that you feel like you can't say that to because of some social norm?
Do you think we should start being more open/vocal about love and appreciation for our friends or am I losing it? lol