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I owe my ex so many apologies..

Well, I am sure I owe all of them some LOL..and a lot of "you're welcomes" if I'm being fair to myself...

but anyway...backstory:

A few years ago and my last relationship, I dated someone 7ish years old than me. That doesn't sound like a lot, however, our ages were 25 and 32 when we started dating. Look, there were a lot of issues with us and it would've never worked (many variables), but I do feel like I owe her some apologies.

Here's why: I am now 32 years old and dating a 25 year old...SOOOO many things make sense to me now that I was completely unaware of back then.


She started having health issues...and health insurance (crazy!)

She had to watch what she ate and she didn't drink a lot. (I know, it was suspicious.)

She used to FREAK out because she found one, tiny, random white hair or she'd want to go to bed instead of partying. (Jesus, it was literally only one and I was only asking her to stay up until 2 even though she had to take her kids to school at 6..she should've been fiiiiiiiine.)

She wouldn't have energy to hang out when I wanted to. (Who goes to bed sober and before 11?)

She would complain and say, "how old do you have to be to stop getting acne?" (it's not a big deal, get over it.)

She wanted her partner (27 year old me) to find a career instead of just my serving job. (Rude.)

She cared more about her home than her car (weird, right?)

.....well. Here is what I have to say now...

Insurance? Biotch, insurance is still too expensive!

Food/drink? Please, let's share a nice salad and watch a movie at home.

Sleep/drinks? Text or call me past 9 and I'll murder you and no, I'm not drinking tonight, thanks.

Grey hair? But it was SO WHITE, like bright..bright white! and the motherfucker keeps coming back!

Acne? And seriously though! How old?! I'm not a teenager, damn it!

Career? That's probably a good idea...future..and stuff is important, you might have a point there.

Taking care of things you've worked hard for? Putting money into a home instead of "fun things?" Let's work together to make sure all of our things and spaces are cared for. Home should be the most comfortable and cared for, it is our safest and most connected space.

You know who you are.

I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't get it. It was unfair for you to think I would, but still.

My apologies for what you were going through and for you having to put up with 25 year old me...little punk..she was cute though, right ;) Those young ones think they're invincible, I swear. Actually, I take that back. You are welcome for the time we spent together..and so am I. I wasn't wrong to be me. I did the best I could with what I had; in life, in experience, and in my brain development lol... and I really, really tried, but we both know there was no way I could have been what you needed...not completely. Not because of age exactly, but because of experience and wants and needs. I wasn't and had never been where you had. I just, didn't know. I forgive us both for trying anyway, I know why we did and I am grateful for it now.

I really think 32 year old me and 32 year old you would be great friends! Maybe we will be one day.

Oh, and 25 year old her is definitely benefitting from lessons you helped me learn 👌 so...super thanks! Thank you for helping to grow me...and for teaching how to/not to treat a 25 year old as a 32 year old. I'd like to think my expectations of her, our interactions and experiences together; even our every day conversations are better because you were in my life and we have the history we do. I always knew you would impact my life in such beautiful ways. I didn't imagine it would be this way, but hey, that's how the game of life works isn't it?

Side-note: I am not saying 30s are old nor am I saying anything bad about 20s; nor nor am I saying that relationships with large age differences cannot work. I am simply speaking to my own history and experience.

Okay, I feel better.

Eat your veggies, kids!

Love, Ami